Tag Archives: writing inspiration

Going Viral VS. Adding Value

Good evening, readers! For a while now I’ve wanted to write a blog post on the difference between going viral and adding value. I recently had a discussion with my boss’s boss involving this subject. My statement went something like this:

“I see a lot of that in this company, especially among the directors and VPs. I don’t know all of them but from the angle I’m looking at it’s almost as though they’re all trying to trump one another. Who can get their next 15 minutes of fame? Who can outdo the previous person? And instead of focusing on adding value to their workforce, they are trying to look good in front of one another and earn themselves bonuses.

My superior agreed. He nodded his head and said, “There seems to be a lot of throwing spaghetti at the ceiling and seeing which strands will stick. And a lot of them aren’t sticking right now.” Our company as a whole is in such a dire need to change and grow because we’ve been so stagnant for so long.

There is suddenly a mad scramble to catch up from years of being closed-minded and not forward thinking.

Our leaders are scrambling to “go viral.” They are not adding value to anyone’s lives. Instead, they are over-committing and volunteering themselves for things they know they can’t uphold. By delegating those things to their workforce (a workforce that often runs without their input and has its own commitments to uphold) we all end up stressed out and unhappy with each other.

How does “adding value” apply to my writing career?

When I look at my blog and my writing, I don’t want to be one of those people who’s just trying to go viral. I want my writing to mean something. I want to add value to other people. However, I realized that by pushing myself to write a blog post every day that some of the posts (like yesterday’s for example) are not always super engaging.

I don’t know if I will keep up the “one blog post a day” momentum going after this month is over. It has been an interesting challenge and I’ve been surprised that I’ve been able to keep it up. Now I’m in the home stretch so I want to push myself to finish this month out strong. However, I don’t want to fill everyone’s blog feeds and inboxes with crap posts that mean nothing and add no value.

What is “adding value” to you?

With that being said, you all know where I stand and hopefully a little more about my goals and what I seek to do and improve upon. If you have any comments, questions, or suggestions I would love to hear from you in the comments below. I’m always open to blog post ideas. Therefore, if you have any questions about minimalism or being a writer, etc. I would absolutely love to hear from you.

I know that I don’t have a lot of original work out there yet but I work at it every day and I hope to have a readership that is comfortable with talking to me about my work. I’ve always enjoyed that sort of open collaboration with artists and fans. In the hopes that I can add value to people’s lives, I am going to continue to press forward with this challenge and try my best to come up with some more thought-provoking and engaging posts for all of you.

Thank you for reading!

-RB

Regina Bethory is a fiction author. She graduated from Christopher Newport University with a Bachelor’s in Directing and Play Writing and from Newport News Shipbuilding’s Apprentice School as a Test Electrician. She also has a degree in Funeral Services. As an avid minimalist and traveler, she enjoys spending her time learning new things, seeking new experiences and de-cluttering. When she is not writing, she can often be found in comic book stores and early morning matinees.

How To Cope With Imposter Syndrome

First of all, I want to take some time to elaborate on how difficult it was for me to find the right cover art for this blog. What exactly does an imposter look like? What does someone with imposter syndrome look like? As most of you know, I use Canva to create a lot of my blog art. At first I searched for “imposter” but nothing relevant came up in the results. After that, I searched for things like “thief,” “poser,” “wannabe,” “disguise,” “fake,” “uncomfortable,” and “outsider.” None of these terms were giving me exactly what I was looking for and eventually I stumbled upon the current cover art when I searched for “outcast.”

What is Imposter Syndrome?

Wikipedia (I know, not the most reputable source but it’ll suffice for the sake of this post) defines Imposter Syndrome as follows:

“Impostor syndrome (also known as impostor phenomenon, impostorism, fraud syndrome or the impostor experience) is a psychological pattern in which an individual doubts their accomplishments, and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a “fraud”.[1] Despite external evidence of their competence, those experiencing this phenomenon remain convinced that they are frauds, and do not deserve all they have achieved. Individuals with impostorism attribute their success to luck, or as a result of deceiving others into thinking they are more intelligent than they perceive themselves to be.[2] While early research focused on the prevalence among high-achieving women, impostor syndrome has been recognized to affect both men and women equally.”

I just finished reading 52 Pep Talks for Writers by Grant Faulkner. Inside, his 21st “pep talk” is titled “Treating Imposter Syndrome.” Towards the beginning of the piece, he writes, “Authors are especially susceptible to imposter syndrome because writing is such a vexing labyrinth of self-doubt. What does it take to feel like the real thing? Writing every day? Finishing a book? Finding an agent? Publishing a book? Getting reviewed in the New York Times? Appearing on the Tonight Show? Have writer friends? Famous writer friends? Per Maya Angelou, even all of that sometimes doesn’t suffice.

Basically, it boils down to thinking that you’re a fraud, you’re going to be found out, and you’re minimizing your accomplishments.

Why do we have Imposter Syndrome?

It’s so easy for us to talk down to ourselves but we have other people talking down to us all the time. We’re brought down by society, our own friends, and our family.

I never really considered myself as having a low self-esteem. I always felt confident in my ability to write but at the same time I have a lot of moments of self-doubt and I think all writers struggle with that. At least a lot of us talk about it.

In Dr. Abigail Brenner’s post Why Do I Feel Like a Fraud? on Psychology Today, she poses questions to readers on why they might feel this way. Three topics she highlights are personal relationships, profession life and early upbringing.

Personal Relationships

Many who know me understand that I believe in the “private life,” something that people seem to not value these days. Besides my blog and Instagram, I stay away from social media. I don’t need to know who is dating who, who is getting divorced, who everyone is voting for along with their stance on every political issue, who is taking a shit at the dentist… you catch my drift. We live in a world where people no longer respect the bounds of privacy. We are a society that encourages voyeurism and encourages the sharing of too much information.

As such, my close, personal relationships are with three very select people. No one knows me better than those three in what I’d like to call “The Inner Circle.” There is an “Outer Circle” too that consists of perhaps twenty people but they are still held at arms length. Those three individuals in the “Inner Circle” are the only people in the world that I feel I can let go and truly be myself around. But even then, there are times I hesitate to say what I truly feel or mean due to fear of judgement.

It’s silly because they’ve never judged me before. In fact, that is how they go to that “Inner Circle” to begin with. But that fear is still there. Why? Probably my upbringing- done by a highly judgemental family.

Early Upbringing

I don’t feel like I can be myself around my own family. I always feel like I need to have my guard up when I visit them. Which is part of why I hate going to visit them. It’s emotionally and psychologically exhausting. It’s such a waste of time; it drains me and I don’t feel like it adds any meaning, value, or purpose to my life. After all, some of the most hurtful things about who I am, what I’ve done and what I haven’t done (to their standards) is what rings in my head most times. I grew up feeling like nothing I said had any value.

In Rachel Hollis’s bestseller, Girl, Wash Your Face, she mentions that as the youngest of four children, she was mostly ignored unless she did something good. I was also the youngest of four children and most often ignored and left to my own devises… unless I did something wrong.

When I first went to college, I was shocked when people stopped to listen to what I had to say. It took me awhile to get used to because I was so used to being talked over or ignored. Whenever I tell people that I’m not on good terms with my family, they want to know why. There’s no amount of explaining that I can do to articulate 32 years of feeling like you’re not appreciated… feeling that you’re an outsider in a family you were born into. If I truly wanted to patch up the relationship, I would but the problem is I don’t want to – I don’t care to.

To some people, family is everything. Their immediate response is that “you should patch things up.” To me, that is such a close-minded response. Not everyone’s family dynamic is the same. I know that there are shittier people out there. It could have been much worse but that doesn’t mean that bad things didn’t happen or horrible things weren’t said… Things that may affect me for the rest of my life.

Professional Life

No. I am not where I want to be with my career. Sometimes I look at my age and I think to myself, “Why wasn’t I more serious about such-and-such in college?” or “Why didn’t I see how important this one thing was and pursue it when I was younger?” We all have regrets even though we try not to. Even though I hate my current job, I recognize that without it there are many things I wouldn’t have learned… So many great people I wouldn’t have met. Whether I like it or not, it has shaped me into the person I am today.

In short, I work with imposter syndrome almost every day. Rarely, if ever, do I feel like I’m supposed to be right where I am. In Grant Faulkner’s closing remarks to his own Pep Talk he states, “Whatever you tell yourself is the truth.” He’s right there. The trust is what we make of it. That is easier said than done.

How do we cope with Imposter Syndrome?
Hold on to positive things.

I used to keep a word document filled with positive reviews of my writing. I called it “My Wall of Vanity.” The title itself suggests that I was ashamed at receiving praise for my writing… that I was being “vain” in rereading good reviews. Keeping a positive document like that is nothing to frown upon though. Those were real, organic reviews, written by people who didn’t know me from Timbuktu. I hope I still have it saved somewhere.

Stop the comparison trap

Another way to treat Imposter Syndrome is to stop comparing yourself to others. When I was on Facebook, that was all I did. I was part of many “writing” groups and often compared myself and my work to what others had done. If anything, that made me feel like more of a fraud. I kept thinking, “Why am I in a group with someone who has published 8 books?” or “Why am I with people who write 3,000 words a day on top of working a full-time job and being a parent?” Stop comparing yourself! Everyone does things differently and that’s OK.

Add value

For a few weeks now I’ve been thinking of writing a blog about Going Viral vs Adding Value. We’ve got too many people in this world seeking their 15 seconds of fame instead of trying to help others. As long as you as genuinely interested in adding value to others’ lives as opposed to seeking self gain, you’re not a fraud.

We all make mistakes. No one is perfect.

Making an error or being wrong about something doesn’t make you a “fraud.” Everyone is wrong several times in their life. Hell, I’m wrong about something at least 5 times a day… at least. And I’m far from perfect. Stop trying to do what others expect you to do and instead, do what you feel is right. Do what you feel is what you’re meant to do. No one can live your life but you.

What about you? Have you ever felt like a fake? An imposter? Please comment below with your experiences.

-RB

Regina Bethory is a fiction author. She graduated from Christopher Newport University with a Bachelor’s in Directing and Play Writing and from Newport News Shipbuilding’s Apprentice School as a Test Electrician. She also has a degree in Funeral Services. As an avid minimalist and traveler, she enjoys spending her time learning new things, seeking new experiences and de-cluttering. When she is not writing, she can often be found in comic book stores and early morning matinees.

Suffering from Writer’s Block? Try 750words.com

Today I wanted to share with all of you a little tool I stumbled upon called 750words.com. I don’t remember how I cam across it but it has completely changed my writing habits, more so than NaNoWriMo. As most of you know, NaNoWriMo has the intention of helping you create a writing habit – to write every day. While I have participated for many years, I could never develop that habit. Maybe I was trying to do too much at one time? Maybe 30 days just wasn’t long enough for me? Who knows?

The snapshot above was taken a few days ago. I normally find that I can write 750 words in 11 minutes. However, there have been days I’ve been exhausted and in order to not break the streak, I used Dragon Naturally Speaking to dictate my words. I’m not ashamed. The words still got written! But that is why it says that my record time is 5 minutes because I talk twice as fast as I type.

I tried everything.

I was the queen of procrastination – I read blogs about forming a writing habit. Searching online, I sought out apps for productivity. I read books on writing. None of it ever caught on. I really thought that I was a lost cause and despite the fact that I wanted to spend my lifetime writing, that I was doomed for failure because I was lazy and just couldn’t motivate myself to get my butt in high gear! …Until I was introduced to 750 words.com.

When I first signed up, I had actually forgotten that I signed up. It wasn’t until months later when I was cleaning out my inbox (a minimalist cleaning ritual) that rediscovered the site. I’m so glad I did.

Due to badges like the ones above, there is a sort of reward system for keeping your streak going. I think it goes up to 1000 or 2000 day streaks for the badges – in other words, pretty freakin’ long.

Monthly Challenge

You can even sign up for their monthly challenge to write 750words a day for an entire month. If you succeed in writing every day that month, you are put on the “Wall of Awesomeness.” If you miss one day, you are placed on the “Wall of Shame.” And every one will know! How humiliating. It’s funny how little badges and rewards like these can keep us going!

 

As you can see from the picture above, there are all sorts of statistics that show up after you’ve written. This post won’t cover all of them but it’s very interesting to see and compare things like what you were writing about vs time it took to write it. Don’t get me wrong, the first time I saw this demographic I thought, “This isn’t accurate!” But the more I wrote, the more I noticed that it is actually pretty insightful and on point.

It appears that this particular day I was feeling affectionate, upset and self-important and concerned mostly about success, work and death. Not sure what that says about me.

What else can it do?

Your writing is completely private. No one else can see it but you can go back and view old entries if you’d like. Also, if you donate you earn points which are represented by coffee cup icons. Cups allow you to post testimonials and encourage other writers. Another feature is the metadata. In every post you can track things like where you were writing that day, what your energy level was, stress level, how much alcohol or caffeine was in your system, etc. Do it enough and the website will help you track the differences in your writing when you have 3 red bulls instead of 2 whiskeys.

Overall, it’s a pretty unique site. You have the option of becoming a member for $5/month and trust me when I say that it’s completely worth it. Thanks to 750words.com, I cannot miss a day of writing. And the writing can be about anything! You don’t have to spend it working on your novel, you can rant and rave about work, traffic, your children OR you can dream of lying on a beach or hiking in the mountains. You could write a short fiction piece or a few poems. The choice is yours!

So if you’re like me and you struggle with writing every day, I challenge you to 750words.com! Need some perspective? This blog post that you just finished reading it 750 words. If I can do it, anyone can!

Happy writing!

-RB

Regina Bethory is a fiction author. She graduated from Christopher Newport University with a Bachelor’s in Directing and Play Writing and from Newport News Shipbuilding’s Apprentice School as a Test Electrician. She also has a degree in Funeral Services. As an avid minimalist and traveler, she enjoys spending her time learning new things, seeking new experiences and de-cluttering. When she is not writing, she can often be found in comic book stores and early morning matinees.

The Importance of Rewarding Yourself

When working on projects, especially ones where you create your own deadline, it’s important to have rewards. I find that it helps productivity when I know that I’m working towards something. Whether it’s a small victory or a huge milestone, treat yourself. After all, your relationship with yourself is the most important of all. Yet, so many of us talk negatively to ourselves. Human condition? Perhaps? Treatable? Definitely.

I haven’t mastered it myself. I still have rough days and down days. In fact today was one of them. However, I knew that I had to still get my writing done for the day. So I decided that once my daily writing was complete, I would allow myself to partake in one of my most favorite meals: sushi.

I like to assign small rewards for smaller tasks and large rewards for larger ones. Makes sense, right? Some people elect to treat themselves to a night on the town, or a camping trip, or a movie. There are tons of different ways to reward yourself. It doesn’t necessarily have to be something that costs money either. Your reward could be a walk in the park or a day at the beach.

The Rewards

As a minimalist, I like to keep my rewards limited, simple and straight to the point. I didn’t want some complicated rewards system where I had to sit and calculate what I had earned. I have two basic rewards and they are on opposite ends of the spectrum. Sushi and Travel.

Reward One: Sushi

For small victories like, achieving a certain word count, it’s sushi time! Sometimes it’s delivered to the house and sometimes it’s a night out. Either way, I know that it’s one of my favorite meals (next to Shepherd’s Pie). The are we live in has no shortage of good sushi restaurants to choose from either. Unfortunately, Shepherd’s Pie is hard to find and usually has to be cooked from home (but he makes a damn good one!)

Reward Two: Travel

Not only do I have a trip to Arizona booked after the release of my novel In Articulo Mortis, but my partner has also promised me a trip to London. He knows that it has been a life-long dream of mine to go to England. I feel like I identify with their culture and sense of humor so much more than the American culture despite being born over here. So he set the reward for that one.

Accomplishing a big project, needs more than a bowl of ice cream for a reward. Something as big as a novel, requires a novel-sized treat. But I realize that not everyone likes to travel. And not everyone likes sushi. So what are your high end and low end rewards? How do you celebrate the accomplishment of a finished task or project? Let me know down in the comments below.

-RB

Regina Bethory is a fiction author. She graduated from Christopher Newport University with a Bachelor’s in Directing and Play Writing and from Newport News Shipbuilding’s Apprentice School as a Test Electrician. She also has a degree in Funeral Services. As an avid minimalist and traveler, she enjoys spending her time learning new things, seeking new experiences and de-cluttering. When she is not writing, she can often be found in comic book stores and early morning matinees.

Top 10 Things I Wish I Knew When I Started Writing

Hello readers! In keeping with this month’s blog challenge of writing a new post everyday for the month of July, I am finding it difficult to stay ahead but I will keep pushing through. Now that we have sailed into the doldrums of week two, that primal energy of week one has faded, leaving some of us to splash and flail to keep from drowning. I am one of those and it’s only the beginning.In order to not bore you with a long intro, let’s get straight to the point. Here are the top ten things I wish I knew before I started writing.

1) Don’t let others tell you what your book should be about.

You will come across people who want to dictate what you write. Sometimes these people are other writers, sometimes they are not. The ones who are not will never be able to comprehend why you just don’t listen to them and their great ideas for a fiction masterpiece. Yet instead of trying to write anything themselves, they feel the need to try and pull your puppet strings. Don’t give in.

Write the story that’s in your gut. It’s okay to listen to feedback from others but that doesn’t mean you have to follow every single things others say. Stay true to your vision.

2) The mind is a dark place. You don’t need to stand in your own shadow.

Self-sabotage is real and we all have done it at least once in our lives. Many of us do it on a daily basis. Stop talking down to yourself. There will be enough other people doing that for you. Some of them will be “friends,” others will be family.

3) The inner editor is a quiet drunk.

I don’t drink as much as I used to but I’ve noticed a single shot of anything is enough to quiet that pesky inner editor. It’s the fastest and most efficient way to shut it up.

4) You get out what you put in.

If it were easy, every one would do it. Don’t expect it to be a road of rainbows or double rainbows. Writing is challenging. No matter how skilled you are, it’s always a challenge. Put the work in. You have to just like a workout routine. Put the work in for a great body, get a great body and a better quality of life. Put the work into your writing, become a better writer and produce more material. It’s a simple equation.

5) “What if?” is not an evil question.

I had an English teacher in the seventh grade who refused to answer a question if it started with the words “what if.” For a long time after that I grew up thinking that “what if” questions were some kind of bad. “What if” is the creator’s greatest question. Always ask, “what if?”

6) “There is no magic hand.” or “I’ll write that someday.”

No one else will do this for you. Even if you hire a ghostwriter, it won’t be your voice. It won’t be you. Only you can write your story. This “no magic hand” quote I often saw written by self-made millionaire, Amanda Hocking. She often says that she realized this shortly before she kicked her butt into high gear.

Also, I’ve been a firm supporter of the whole, “I’ll write that someday” or “I’ll finish the book one day.” Guess what? “One day” and “Someday” are not days of the week. Saying that means it will never get done. Set a date. Get ‘er done!

7) Everything you need is already inside of you.

Yes, I love traveling and exploring and being inspired. Who doesn’t want to be inspired? But what you need to write your story is really already inside of you. You don’t NEED anything else. You already have it. It’s called sorcery.

8) Writing is not a sprint or a race. It’s a marathon. Community counts.

In high school, I ran cross country and distance track. Like writing, running can be very solitary. After all, every run is usually about competing against your previous run. Being alone, training in the middle of the woods, I never felt alone. I had a team with me, scattered along the trail.

Writers have communities. Find yours. Even though you’re not competing with them, you need their support and encouragement. It’s a long journey. Let your team help you along the way. Let them help you across the finish line. Propel each other.

9) Education is priceless. Read all. Study all.

Okay. I did just say in a previous point that everything you need is inside of you, which is true. But I wished I would have paid more attention to the opportunities given to me through my education. Instead, I was always in a hurry to grow up and get out of school. Slow down. Stop and smell the roses. Literally. They are lovely. Absorb everything. Take it in.

10) Only other creators understand the creative process no amount of explaining will do.

I am cursed. Every day I walk into a day job where no one reads or writes. No one creates. No one understands. I didn’t think it would be possible to find this many book-haters in one place. But it exists. I work in a place of rigidity. Or rules, regulations and procedures. It’s a prison for me and I’m surrounded by enemies. I’m surrounded by people who mock the artsy or ignore us because “we’re weird.” Don’t waste your breath on these people.

“Work hard in silence. Let your success be your noise.” -Frank Ocean.

Happy creating!

Blog Art from Dreamstime.

Regina Bethory is a fiction author. She graduated from Christopher Newport University with a Bachelor’s in Directing and Play Writing and from Newport News Shipbuilding’s Apprentice School as a Test Electrician. She also has a degree in Funeral Services. As an avid minimalist and traveler, she enjoys spending her time learning new things, seeking new experiences and de-cluttering. When she is not writing, she can often be found in comic book stores and early morning matinees.